Relationship Advice: What He Really Wants - Part 2

Certainly there are breathtaking love stories that are born immediately with passion and love, love with a great partner. But often, in real...

Certainly there are breathtaking love stories that are born immediately with passion and love, love with a great partner. But often, in real life and not in movies it is a little more complicated. An ex with whom it has not totally broken, or else but right. In short, it is blurry. Or the fact that he is soon going to the other end of the country or even downright in another in the next four or five months. In still full of other possible scenarios that make love stories are quite complicated to handle.

What He Really Wants - Part 2
Earlier this article we had published the first part of this series article 'what he really wants' You can read the part one by clicking here.

A gift of the whole self

Your husband wants the satisfaction of a biological drive, but also the intimacy he finds in your arms. He wants you to give yourself everything to him, that you offer him your body, your soul, and your spirit. He wants you to be ready to receive as much as to give. 
His natural impulses are like a trigger, a reminder to seek that intimacy with you, motivation to turn to you. One must not isolate one's physical desire from everything else. God created your husband with the need to relieve this real pressure. It has given you the ability to respond to this need as a woman. But he created the conjugal act so that it is much more than a physical act.

Are not you glad that God created sex to be much more than the relief of an inherent biological drive in a man? We are much more complex than animals in this area. During the act of love, you and your husband become intimately connected, hand to hand, soul to soul. The Bible says that you become one flesh. Is not that a perfect image? It is for this reason that sex, seen as a mere physical act divorced from the heart and the mind, does not meet our expectations. 

We feel treated as an object when it is, and our husband feels that he is incomplete because our abandonment is not complete. Perhaps you have responded to his need for relief from physical pressure by an obligation; By doing so, He feels deprived of the experience of the emotional and spiritual relationship that is so essential to a marriage. 

So that he can taste it, you must offer him more than your body. You must offer everything: your body, your soul, your spirit, your love. This is what makes the sexual act an act of intimacy and vulnerability: this total gift of self to each other.

You will find this may be hard to believe, but your husband desires your sexual fulfillment even more than he desires his own. He wants you to take pleasure in him. When this is not the case, it feels inadequate. If he knows that you do not derive pleasure from the sexual act and you only participate in it to satisfy him, he will not be really satisfied. He does not want to be a consumer, but a lover. This is an important distinction. A placid participation is not enough.

That's the problem, is not it? How to revive our passion? What if our husband does not know how to awaken desire in us (and maybe even the ability to turn it off)? Let's say you breastfeed the baby since morning and you finally managed to put the children to bed, and that your husband takes a look at you -  that look. (This is when you might want to read one or two books that talk about such situations. 

Some authors such as Carolyn Mahaney, Sharon Jaynes, Gary and Betsy Ricucci offer excellent practical advice.) What to do? Can we choose to love in such circumstances? I would say yes: as women, we have the ability to influence our emotions with our thoughts much more than men can do. We might think that when we do not feel like making love, it's the end of the story. But I wonder what would happen if at such times we chose to serve our husbands with full hearts, as God wants us to do. Perhaps we would find out that things are going far better than expected?

What does your husband want? He wants you to give yourself body and soul. His body urges him to go to you and make love. Choose not to see his sexual urges as primitive, unhealthy or carnal. The God who never makes mistakes has created him as he is, and it is for your good that he did it. It is a blessing to receive with gratitude, not a curse to reject.

Harry Schaumburg, in his book Undefiled, says this [this is an excellent quotation, so read it carefully!]: "Sexual desire is more than a desire for pleasure or excitement. It is a desire for intimacy, both of man and woman. Do not let false messages or past experiences fool you: people want privacy as much as women. Every man I advised who treated his wife as a sexual object and gave the impression that he was only looking for physical pleasure told me - often with tears in his eyes - that what he was really looking for, Was intimacy. The women who heard this confession could not believe their ears. You may have a hard time finding it too - but that's true. "

A favorite language of love

Think about the ways you show your love to your husband. It may be by preparing his dinner or by kissing him at the door on his return from work, or by offering him massages at night because he loves physical affection. You are undoubtedly aware of the means you prefer to express to him all your love and affection.

But understand that in his eyes the sexual act is the way he favors to manifest his love for you, and it is also the most efficient way you can use to show him how much you love him. Sex is the language of love of every man! If you want to be a woman who manifests her love for her husband and encourages her, you will do everything in your power to make a fulfilling sexual life an integral part of your relationship.

The obvious conclusion of all I have just said is: have sex often and serve your husband freely and cheerfully in this matter. Your marriage will be fortified. All therapists will say: when the sexual relationship is right, marriage is good. It is rare to see an unhealthy marriage where the sexual relationship blossoms. It's almost as if sex was a supercooled.

Earlier this article we had published the first part of this series article 'what he really wants' You can read the part one by clicking here

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