Should I Tell My Best Friend I Love Her?

Problem:  I've fallen for one of my best friends in a big way, and I need to know how to approach her about it. Or if I should do this. ...

Problem: I've fallen for one of my best friends in a big way, and I need to know how to approach her about it. Or if I should do this. I first met her eight years ago and fancied her from the moment I laid eyes on her. She was with someone then, and as I got to know her better, her other half became a good friend of mine too.

Should I tell my best friend I love her?
They began to have problems about three years ago and split for good last summer. I’ve remained good friends with them both. I really need to tell her how I feel to her face but this is becoming difficult as she is incredibly busy with her work and always seems to have something on socially, too.

Can men and women really be just friends?

Solution: This kind of thing happens all the time. It’s practically a right of passage for a young man. The movie “When Harry Met Sally” made a pretty convincing case study for the whole “men and women can’t be just friends” argument; they’re always going to end up in the sack or broken up.

I personally don’t agree with the severity of this theory in the slightest. A friendship between men and women is entirely possible; it just takes more communication and clearer boundaries to keep it in line.

But it certainly is natural for a boy to fall in love with his best friend. If a man finds his female friend attractive, he will always be curious about taking it to the next level. It just makes sense; you care for her, you love being with her, and you’re attracted to her.

While a girl can be satisfied with this and this alone, a man will automatically think, “Wouldn’t it be great if we could be romantic too?” Every time she tells you she misses you, she means it. But unlike you, a woman can miss and adore you and NOT want something more.

Such a tease!

This is a classic misunderstanding between the genders. You might see every time she touches you as an invitation for more touching. She may feel that putting her head on your shoulder is as innocent as a smile.

The danger of being a woman and being affectionate with a man is that he may see it as her “leading him on” or “be a tease.” As long as you understand that she does all this innocently and because she trusts you, you can avoid the general anger and resentment that men tend to feel in the face of a “tease.”

It’s important to not have any anger or resentment in your heart when and if she doesn’t reciprocate your feelings. Because it’s not like you made a deal and she fell short. She never promised you anything more than to be your friend.

To tell her or not to tell her?

I must break some news. There is no way you can get over someone when you still have hope that they might come around. So, I suggest that you enlighten her with your feelings and face the results, whatever they might be.

Let me settle your stomach by letting you know that you are NOT risking everything. In fact, my best friend made a move on me once, and while it was incredibly awkward for about two weeks, once the boundaries of our friendship were re-established it went right back to normal. Today we are closer than ever.

While I love, respect and adore him, I do not recommend you follow directly in his footsteps. Rather than go in for an uninvited kiss, try talking to her about your feelings. First, establish that you have no expectations of her to reciprocate your feelings. With no pressure over her head, she is more likely to listen to you with an open heart.

Confession of love script

Tell her:
“I care about you deeply. Being with you in any way makes me happy. I can’t deny that I’ve developed romantic feelings for you and I want to be your boyfriend. I know you have a man already and I support you completely. I love being your best friend and I just needed to let you know.”

You have put no pressure on her and yet by being so heartfelt, you have invited her to open up about her feelings as well. She may tell you that she looks at you like a brother or that she’s happy in her current relationship. But know that you have planted a seed that may very well grow into something special later on.

It takes some serious balls to do what I’m suggesting, but I promise you that you will feel lighter and happier once you’ve confronted this. It may be because she reciprocates your feelings and has been waiting for you to make your move. Or it may be because you finally get your answer and you can move on.

Cha-cha-changes…

By letting go of your hope, don’t be surprised if you let go of a few things in your friendship too.

For example: instead of talking to her for hours on the phone, you may start to focus your game on a new girl who piques your interest.

The friendship will not suffer, but it may change as you begin to have new priorities.

You say you have one more year of school left like it’s some kind of deadline. It’s not. Boyfriends and girlfriends will melt into your past and be forgotten. But best friends stick around forever, no matter how much distance and time you’ve spent apart.

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