7 Keys To Winning Friends & influencing People

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“If you make others feel important, they will most certainly be willing to help you get ahead.”

The desire to feel important in humans is incredibly compelling and as crucial as water is to the body. Everyone wants to feel that they matter and that their contributions are valuable and appreciated. The hunger to feel wanted and useful is arguably the strongest subconscious desire known to man.

There is no self-motivational catalyst like being told that you really matter and that your service, as well as your presence, is extremely needed and necessary. Being made to feel valuable is critical because it is directly connected to our happiness, performance, self-image and levels of creativity.


We often hear about many sports personnel who struggle to live up to their true potentialities until a coach who believes in them comes along and reassures them by letting them know they are critical to his projects. As a result, these under-performing people become transformed almost overnight into the hugely talented athletes they really are. If you want to get the best out of anybody, make them feel valuable through your words, actions and body language.

Whether it is in a family setting, business, workplace or in sport, your ability to make others feel valuable will determine the quality of their relationship with you and their overall productivity and effectiveness in that environment. Make your spouse feel useful, and he or she will reciprocate your kind gestures with quality affections.

Make your children feel that they matter, and you will not only develop confident and secure children, you will also raise loyal and obedient kids. Likewise, make your employees or your team members feel important, and they will go the extra mile to grow your business or ensure your instructions are followed in great details.

Also, make everyone you meet feel valuable and important, and they will treat you well and open doors of opportunities for you. People will always do more and be more for you when you make them feel great about themselves and their contributions. Now here is a real deal: when you deliberately make others feel important, you will feel good and important inside.

It is impossible to recognize the full worth of others genuinely without being lifted on the inside with the same positive energy yourself. You cannot appreciate others and find yourself depreciated in the process. Rather, when you appreciate others (increase their value), your own value get increased. It is a universal law, called, the law of cause and effect.

Try these few tips to make others feel important:


Identify what their broad needs are and see if you could be part of the solution.

Everybody you meet is hurting somewhere. The key to the heart of another is to care for their needs. Ask questions until you establish where people are currently burning. Then brainstorm for possible solutions. Offer to help if possible or just navigate them to where they can be helped or who could move them forward. If people know that you care enough about their needs, you will earn their respect, and they will reciprocate your kind gestures.
Focus on listening. 

Everybody wants to talk about themselves, and nobody intends to hear to others. This is the common trend anywhere there are two or more people. Those who will succeed with people are those who major on listening and minor on talking. Great minds encourage others to speak to them, while others monopolize the talking. One of the quickest ways to the soul of others is through your own ears. Listen, listen and listen. 

Nod, maintain eye contact, affirm, ask questions and paraphrase for clarity. 

Show that you are giving them your undivided attention. Refuse to preoccupy your mind rehearsing what to say next or how to divert the focus of the conversation back to you while someone is sharing their deepest pain with you.

Sincerely appreciate and compliments others. 

Let them know how much you appreciate their presence and what they do for you.

Focus on people’s strengths and a good attitude. 

Everyone has a weakness. Also, every one has a strength. Your duty, therefore, is to amplify their powers by letting them know how highly you admire and value their positive attitude.

Call them by their names. 

People are thrilled when someone who barely knows them remembers their names. It makes them feel special and valued. People will always, openly or privately, appreciate your efforts to memorize and recall their names. It will even be wonderful if you can pronounce their names correctly and spell them right.

Give them a gift. 

It does not have to be expensive. It could be a simple note, a card, quality time, flowers or an act of service. The results these small acts of love can produce will stun you.

Gift them the credits. 

If you and your team members have achieved an outstanding feat that demands recognition, as a coordinator or manager, do not pocket all the glory. Rather, spread the fame around to your colleagues. Tell others that without them it would not have been impossible to succeed. When you give them credit, they will feel important and appreciated. And in return, they will work better for you and stand by you.

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