8 signs that your relationship is dead5:51:00 AM
One of the most common evils in long relationships is a loss of desire. We always be very sad when see someone brakingup and try to save the...
One of the most common evils in long relationships is a loss of desire. We always be very sad when see someone brakingup and try to save their love.
Any breakage ends up annoying us in one way or another. But sometimes we are surprised too much even when our ex-partners have left us more than visible signs before giving us a kick in the butt. "People really disengage when a relationship is about to end," says John Gottman, Ph.D., an expert on divorce prediction.
1. If she corrects you during an argumentImagine this scenario. You have started a scolding, and you end up saying: "It brings me to lose." Instead of trying to understand your anguish and despair, your girl responds with an air of superiority: "Actually, the phrase you should say is: 'Bring it to me.' Did not you know that? " What he is doing is telling you from a higher point of view and that, according to Gottman, "is an attempt to make you feel small and ridiculous."
This kind of condescension is a classic sign of contempt, the first of the grounds for divorce for this expert. "It's a very acid and destructive way to end the other person's self-esteem," he says. But it is no longer necessary that his words are bad, merely the contempt that can show your face can already say everything. That slight movement of the lip to the nose and raised an eyebrow at the same time suggest much more than you can imagine.
2. If she neglect marriage ritualsNight marathons such as 'Game of Thrones' or 'The Walking Dead' involve much more than following a simple fictional story, as these habits translate into your union as a team. This is assured by Monica Lieser, marriage, and family therapist, who also states that this type of connection is necessary for the survival of the flame.
"When couples invest time in the creation and maintenance of rituals, they last much longer," he says. So if you stop performing these little rituals, be it a night walk or the call during lunchtime, it's time to activate all your alarms. "So the shared experience is understood as an obligation, and somehow you lose the commitment for one of the parties ." So, if your girl is going for the third season and you still do not know who the Lannisters are, take letters in the matter.
3. If she generalizes about your habits"You're always late for home." This simple statement is an accusation far more forceful and fulminating than another so annoying as: "You did not put the dishes last night." This type of criticism and reproach, accentuated by the use of the words "always" or "never," may be the prelude to a separation according to Gottman's own research. "It actually destroys the character and personality of the couple," says the expert, and the result is basically that one feels completely attacked and never ends the thing with a productive conversation about the relationship, but both parties usually end Irascible and confrontational.
4. If when expressing your concerns, she only puts you on the defensiveThe problems of the relationship usually go in both directions, which means that the two parties will put the paw on some occasion. Unfortunately, the defensive attitude on the part of the culprit is usually one that adapts naturally to avoid the difficult process of giving reason to the other. But it is utterly destructive.
"It is expressed in two ways:
The first is the counter-attack, attacking the other person with a far greater accusation at the heart of the matter," says Gottman.
Gottman, on the other hand, explains that "the other strategy is to act like an innocent victim: 'Why do you mess with me? What happens to all the right things I do?' "If your partner is not able to admit his mistakes, he is fully bearing the weight of the relationship on your shoulders."
5. If she stop performing the flavors that used to beMaybe your girl will help you to correct the emails and presentations of work. Or even send your shirts to the dry cleaner. If I used to assist you with this type of small favors and now treats them as infractions or obligations, you start to suspect. She may just have become suddenly selfish. Or rather, she probably does not feel valued by you anymore and is not interested in making life easier for you, says therapist Monica Lieser.
6. If you are unable to talk about your sex lifeYou probably worry that all of a sudden, sex is over, but this is not the more severe problem, but it is the lack of communication. "Frequency is only a measure of behavior," says Lieser. In other words, the constancy with which a couple mate says petite about the solidity of the relationship. And is that even if a couple has sex only once a month, their link can remain stable if the two members believe that's how their relationship works.
On the contrary, if they go to bed about 20 or more times a month but can not talk about their likes and dislikes, their romance is lacking in emotional intimacy, which is what creates desire, according to Lieser. And as Gottman points out, if one partner starts to lose interest or feels unsatisfied and can not explain why the other ends up feeling rejected. And that, of course, is not a good sign.