8 signs that your relationship is dead

5:51:00 AM

One of the most common evils in long relationships is a loss of desire. We always be very sad when see someone brakingup and try to save their love.

Any breakage ends up annoying us in one way or another. But sometimes we are surprised too much even when our ex-partners have left us more than visible signs before giving us a kick in the butt. "People really disengage when a relationship is about to end," says John Gottman, Ph.D., an expert on divorce prediction.

8 signs that your relationship is dead
"Women try to let men who are not happy," says the psychologist. So this means that you still have an opportunity to save your relationship before she decides to leave the last post-it in the freezer saying that. As long as you're smart enough to hunt down the clues you'll be leaving, on average, women decide to quit after only 6 days of doubts and deliberations, according to a poll by SheLeft. I break for men Literal translation: you need to act quickly when you perceive these warning signs in your relationship.

1. If she corrects you during an argument 

Imagine this scenario. You have started a scolding, and you end up saying: "It brings me to lose." Instead of trying to understand your anguish and despair, your girl responds with an air of superiority: "Actually, the phrase you should say is: 'Bring it to me.' Did not you know that? " What he is doing is telling you from a higher point of view and that, according to Gottman, "is an attempt to make you feel small and ridiculous."

This kind of condescension is a classic sign of contempt, the first of the grounds for divorce for this expert. "It's a very acid and destructive way to end the other person's self-esteem," he says. But it is no longer necessary that his words are bad, merely the contempt that can show your face can already say everything. That slight movement of the lip to the nose and raised an eyebrow at the same time suggest much more than you can imagine.

2. If she neglect marriage rituals 

Night marathons such as 'Game of Thrones' or 'The Walking Dead' involve much more than following a simple fictional story, as these habits translate into your union as a team. This is assured by Monica Lieser, marriage, and family therapist, who also states that this type of connection is necessary for the survival of the flame.

"When couples invest time in the creation and maintenance of rituals, they last much longer," he says. So if you stop performing these little rituals, be it a night walk or the call during lunchtime, it's time to activate all your alarms. "So the shared experience is understood as an obligation, and somehow you lose the commitment for one of the parties ." So, if your girl is going for the third season and you still do not know who the Lannisters are, take letters in the matter.

3. If she generalizes about your habits 

"You're always late for home." This simple statement is an accusation far more forceful and fulminating than another so annoying as: "You did not put the dishes last night." This type of criticism and reproach, accentuated by the use of the words "always" or "never," may be the prelude to a separation according to Gottman's own research. "It actually destroys the character and personality of the couple," says the expert, and the result is basically that one feels completely attacked and never ends the thing with a productive conversation about the relationship, but both parties usually end Irascible and confrontational.

4. If when expressing your concerns, she only puts you on the defensive 

The problems of the relationship usually go in both directions, which means that the two parties will put the paw on some occasion. Unfortunately, the defensive attitude on the part of the culprit is usually one that adapts naturally to avoid the difficult process of giving reason to the other. But it is utterly destructive.

"It is expressed in two ways:
The first is the counter-attack, attacking the other person with a far greater accusation at the heart of the matter," says Gottman. 

Gottman, on the other hand, explains that "the other strategy is to act like an innocent victim: 'Why do you mess with me? What happens to all the right things I do?' "If your partner is not able to admit his mistakes, he is fully bearing the weight of the relationship on your shoulders."

5. If she stop performing the flavors that used to be 

Maybe your girl will help you to correct the emails and presentations of work. Or even send your shirts to the dry cleaner. If I used to assist you with this type of small favors and now treats them as infractions or obligations, you start to suspect. She may just have become suddenly selfish. Or rather, she probably does not feel valued by you anymore and is not interested in making life easier for you, says therapist Monica Lieser.

6. If you are unable to talk about your sex life 

You probably worry that all of a sudden, sex is over, but this is not the more severe problem, but it is the lack of communication. "Frequency is only a measure of behavior," says Lieser. In other words, the constancy with which a couple mate says petite about the solidity of the relationship. And is that even if a couple has sex only once a month, their link can remain stable if the two members believe that's how their relationship works.

On the contrary, if they go to bed about 20 or more times a month but can not talk about their likes and dislikes, their romance is lacking in emotional intimacy, which is what creates desire, according to Lieser. And as Gottman points out, if one partner starts to lose interest or feels unsatisfied and can not explain why the other ends up feeling rejected. And that, of course, is not a good sign.

7. If you often dine in silence 

Your relationship does not have to be definitely doomed if you do not talk while you eat, but you definitely need a little work in the anteroom. " The foundation of a healthy relationship is friendship," confesses Lieser. If you have nothing to talk about, it is likely that your partner and you do not have a friendly relationship, which means that your relationship will only last as long as the passion continues. In fact, in the long run, friendship can engender more than a good conversation, since it leads to joy in the bedroom and allows open discussion of the needs of each, whether sexual or not, notes Lieser.

8. If she has planned many 'girls' nights lately ...

Having a fun time with your friends will not kill your connection, logically, but it will when she looks to them like a red nail to avoid you, says Lieser. So how do you know if your night out can be a problem? Ask about the party or exit when you get home. If she does not give details, she will show that she is not interested in including you in her personal life. In fact, it suggests a bigger problem, since "relationships are based on sharing the things that happen to someone else," says marriage therapist Lieser.

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