10 Ways to make your relationship imperfectly perfect!4:58:00 AM
Relationships aren’t perfect… and that's okay! Relationships take work! And work.. and work.. and work.. and lots of patience! They ar...
Relationships aren’t perfect… and that's okay! Relationships take work! And work.. and work.. and work.. and lots of patience! They are not easy. They can be stressful, demanding, hurtful, heartbreaking and downright ugly. But once you put in the work .. and work.. and work.. make the effort and master the patience it takes to make a relationship work; it becomes so worth it!
So why am I writing a blog about relationships? Simple. You cannot live a healthy new pure life if your relationship is unhealthy. Living a new pure life is about being healthy in all aspects of your life. (physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and even sexually) So I decided to switch things up a bit today and talk about SEX! Oh, I mean relationships!
I came up with a top 10 list of how I was able to strengthen my relationship and make it imperfectly perfect!! Maybe you need to do the same!?
It's funny how many people message me, text me or tell me how they wish they had a perfect relationship like Wes and I have. (Wes is my fiancé of 4 years.. yes I know we need to get married) They say we are so perfect together and hope one day they can find love like what we have. Haaaaaa HAAA HAAAAAAH!! The thing that they don’t realize is our relationship is far from perfect and the amount of work we both have to put in to make it “perfect” is crazy but so worth it.
Yes, Wes and I have gone through hard times. Do we fight? Yes. Do we irritate each other? Yes. Do we disagree? Yes! Our relationship isn’t perfect and that's okay! Because being perfect is boring! We are constantly learning and growing from each other every day. All that matters is we have fun together, we make each other laugh and we truly do love each other! (especially when I’m right) Muahaha!
So here it is! The top 10 list that really strengthened our relationship and grew us even closer! It's a goodie!
Top 10 Ways to Better Your Relationship and Make it Imperfectly Perfect!
#1. Be Selfless.
Being selfless is by far the hardest one for me! I never knew what selflessness was until I met Wes. I will be the fist to admit that I am a selfish person. I like to have what I want when I want it. But being in a relationship changes that. There are now two people to think about. And when making a decision is that choice best for both of you or just you? Changing your mindset and putting them first will not kill you! Now of course balance in all things, you don’t need to totally forget yourself. However putting your partner's NEEDS before your WANTS will really help strengthen your relationship.
This is the hardest one for Wes! Lol. Communication. No relationship will ever survive without communication. And being a busy genius entrepreneur it's not always easy. Finding a time to communicate is so important especially for women. Sometimes we just need that time to vent or talk or tell you about our day. But it's not just about talking, it's about taking the time to listen.
Another part of communication is how we communicate. Are we mean or aggressive when we approach the conversation? Or are we sweet and gentle? Watch your tone when you talk to your partner. You may not even realize how you are speaking to them. It is about how you approach the conversation and what tone you are bringing to the table when you start communicating.
For example: I can yell and scream at Wes for not putting the milk back in the fridge. But do you think that will get through to him? Fun fact when people yell or scream or nag and constantly tell you to do something, what does that really make you want to do? Not do it. It's like when your mom tells you to clean your room. By her nagging at you, does that make you want to clean your room? No! It makes you say… screw that! I'm not cleaning my room because she told me to! Your brain does a funny little thing called a rebel. It's no different with your partner. It's all about the approach. Maybe instead of yelling that they left the milk out, say something like this. “Hey, babe I noticed you left the milk out.. were you going to have any more or are you done with it?” Then they might say something like, “Oh ya I forgot, I’m done with it ill put it away.” SIMPLE! Your tone and the way you approach the problem will help 99% of the time!
#3. Listen to Understand Not to React.
So many of us are guilty of this! I am one of them. So often we only listen to the other person to react or come up with a comeback not really to listen and understand how they feel. Sometimes in a relationship, we need to vent. Whether we are venting about the weather, a situation or something that happened inside the relationship. We need to talk it out. However, talking doesn’t always end as talking and feelings can be hurt along the way. When we get our feelings hurt we seem to go into attack mode. We put up walls and bring out our best defense. Because we don’t want anything to hurt us. But when our partner is telling us how they feel, their feelings have already been hurt. So instead of going into instant fight mode. Listen to them. Listen to how they feel and try to understand where they are coming from and why they feel that way. Then once their feelings have been shared and UNDERSTOOD you can share yours and begin an open conversation. As human beings, we talk too much when sometimes all we really need to do is listen.
#4. Don’t Talk Smack/Have Their Back.
The biggest lesson I have learned is to not talk smack! Sometimes we get frustrated with our partner and that is normal! But just because we are frustrated doesn’t mean we should let the whole world know how horrible they are. From posting on social media to calling our friends and family. I get it, Wes frustrates me and I frustrate him. It is healthy to vent just make sure you are venting in the right way. If you are constantly calling that one friend telling them how bad you partner is, do you think that friend is going to want you guys to be together? NO! That friend is getting a disproportioned outlook on your partner as you are only sharing the bad times not the good. Instead of smack talking, you should do something to cool off. Go for a walk, get outside, go for a drive and write down those feelings. Spend some time alone and think. I promise it will make you feel better and then no one gets hurt or talked badly about. You should always have your partners back. They are your best friend, your soul mate and your one and only. Treat them as such, even when they are having a bad moment.
#5. Stop Getting Offended.
My oh my oh my I could talk about this one for days. It doesn’t matter what anyone says. No one can make you feel upset or offended unless you allow it to. Sticks and stones baby! “Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me”. Stop allowing people's words to hurt you and get you upset or make you feel offended! I have learned this a lot with Wes lol. So I’m saying it. Sometimes men say things without thinking. Sometimes men are stupid. But they don’t always mean what comes out of their mouths. For example. One night I was getting ready for bed and I was washing all my makeup off. Wes came into the bathroom and the first things out of his mouth were “Oh, you’re getting your ugly on.” RUDE right!?? But the thing is he didn’t mean it at all how it came out. Instead of crying and yelling and screaming at him I just started laughing and said, “YEP you jerk face, I am.” (see we are far from perfect!) He realized how it came out and apologized and we moved on! No harm was done. We have now made it an inside joke whenever I go to get ready for bed. Now there is a thing called verbal abuse and bullying. Those things are not okay and I think we are all smart enough to tell the difference. Moral of the story is you look flipping good with or without makeup so it doesn’t matter what anyone else says! You are in control of how you feel so make sure you are always feeling fabulous!
#6. It's The Little Things.
This wins me over every time!! I am a sucker for the little things. Guys, you wanna know how to win your partner over? Do the little things every day! It doesn’t always mean buy me flower and chocolate every day (even though I am totally not opposed to that at all) Little things and surprises don’t even have to cost money! For example. Wes never makes the bed. But every once in a while he will surprise me and make it before I can get to it. It's a little thing, melts my heart and makes me want to do what? Something for him! See what begins to happen? A cycle of good deeds that make you both happy and feel closer! Another example is love notes! Cheesy but super effective! I love leaving him notes in the car, on his computer, or in his office telling him how proud I am of him and how I appreciate all his hard work. Sometimes it's the smallest things that mean the most!
#7. Make an Effort.
We’ve learned today that being an ass is no good, well neither is doing things half ass. So when you go to do something for your partner make an effort! like I said in #6 it is the little things. When Wes makes the bed he doesn’t just throw pillows on the bed and make it half-assed. He does a good job. If he would make the bed half-assed I would probably get more frustrated because then I would just have to go remake it. So in the end that good deed would go unnoticed. Same with every other aspect. If you are going to do something nice the make the effort and do it awesome!
Forgive, forgive, forgive. Forgiveness is a hard one. And I am a very stubborn person. When Wes messes up and I get mad at him it's hard for me to drop it even after he says sorry. Why is that? That is because in our heads we make up make-believe scenarios of how they should apologize. And when they don’t apologize the way we think they should we get more mad and can't accept their apology. It's sick I know but its true, we have all done this! The problem is you are just setting the other person up for failure. Believe it or not but your partner can't read your mind. They don’t know what you need, or what you want, or how you have a story played out in your head. Sometimes you have to express to them how you feel and how you wanted a real sincere apology. And then realize that they are doing the best they can and you need to drop your grumpy pants and put on your forgive you pants. The key to forgiveness though is truly forgiving. You cannot forgive someone and then bring it up later. Forgiveness is putting it to bed and being done with that issue or problem. It's not easy but life is easier when you forgive.
#9. Giving 100% and Not Expecting Anything in Return.
We have all heard that you have to give 50% and your partner has to give 50% but that is not the case! You need to give your partner 100% and your partner needs to give you 100%! The other side of this is also giving without expecting anything in return. So many times we get caught up in relationships using the phrase, “If you scratch my back ill scratch yours”. Women say if my man would buy me more things I would give him more sex. And men say if my woman would give me more sex I would buy her more things. Stop it! This is so unhealthy. Wagering sex or flower should not be a part of your relationship. It's just like we talked about on #7 make an effort! Make an effort to do something for your partner but do not expect them to do anything in return. Do it to be nice not because you want something. Your motive should be love and show that person that you love them. Not wanting them to do something for you. So today go out of your way, make an effort and do something for your partner without expecting anything return!
#10. Have Sex!! (Sorry mom…)
Let's talk about sex baby, let's talk about you and me! Oh boy sex. Such a touchy subject for so many people. The truth is, if you are not having sex in your relationship your relationship will fail. Now I’m not just talking about wam-bam-thank-you-mam sex, I’m talking about connecting, passionate, good sex. I cant even tell you how many people tell me their relationship sucks and guess what so does their sex life. Good sex and good relationships go hand in hand. You want to feel close to your partner? Have sex. You want to build a strong relationship? Have sex. You want to keep your partner interested in you? Have sex. There is no rocket science behind this. You want to have an amazing relationship then you have to have amazing sex! This is by far one of the most important of the list. Sure its easy to talk about sex but it's not always easy to have sex. I grew up in a very religious community where sex was a very bad thing… until you were married. However, the married part didn’t resonate with me and what stuck with me for all those years was that sex is the bad period. So you can only imagine how hard it was for me to get over the sex is a bad hurdle. This took years!
Anytime I had sex I felt guilty, I felt sick and I hated it. It was such an uncomfortable thing for me. But what I didn’t realize was it was so uncomfortable because I was uncomfortable with myself. I didn’t love myself. I didn’t like the way I looked or who I was. So how could my sex partner? It took years to get comfortable with myself and love myself before I was able to start having good sex. But once you can accept yourself, love yourself, let down the walls, let go of your negative perception of sex, your whole life will change. Not just your life but your partner's life as well. Allowing your sex life and your relationship to be better than its ever been!
Everyone that is in a relationship struggles. it's not always butterflies and rainbows. (and that's okay!!!!) Being an outsider looking in at other relationships, of course, they look perfect! You don’t know what it's like behind closed doors. Just because they take pictures of them smiling and post it on social media doesn’t mean they are happy. Just because they take pictures of them kissing and post them on social media doesn’t mean they are having sex! So quit wishing to have his life or her life or a life that really just isn’t a reality. Stop comparing your relationship to others and start focusing on your own. Start focusing on how you can make your relationship not only look good but feel good too! Love yourself, love your partner and start living a new pure life together!