The Danger Of Falling In Love With The Idea Of Someone

It has been a couple years now since I have dated this person who helped me come to this revelation. However, some of us know that the guys ...

It has been a couple years now since I have dated this person who helped me come to this revelation. However, some of us know that the guys of the past always somehow find a way to sneak into our present and whisper some unwelcome, but sometimes helpful reminders to us.

Sparks, this guy and I would write letters back and forth to each other. Although I was still in high school, he was attending a military academy in New York. We only had the opportunity to see each other every three months, so this was our favorite mode of communication. The hopeless romantic in me was leaping around for joy.

I began to see him as three different people: the gentleman in the letters, the guy on the phone, and the stranger who I saw in person every couple of months. I began to foster expectations of each one, and they all began to not meet up to any of my expectations.

With the letter writing, and the Nicholas Sparkified romance plot- him being in the army and me being the sweetheart at home- I began to idealize this guy. I put him up on a pedestal.

What I didn’t see was that we were two entirely different people. That was the danger of falling in love with the idea of someone. In letters, he could be sweet and romantic. In person, he could seem somewhat of the opposite. And still, like Atlas and the Globe, I held up a particular idea of that relationship. The past me would have been appalled for me to now say that I was so much at fault, too.

This tactic of going about a relationship was harmful. This is the danger of falling in love with the idea of someone.

The constant disappointments and leech-like grudges were signs that I had idealized him. Instead of focusing on the good times, I dwelled on the negative ones. He was only a person. He wasn’t some kind of Greek god. I also should have known I glorified the idea of him from the constant appraisal of others. I had to keep not only myself from being disappointed but also the fanatics who followed our relationship.

The Danger Of Falling In Love With The Idea Of Someone
When I came to college, after breaking up with my Ryan Gosling guy, I met someone else. Again, I feared that he would let me down. I feared that he would try to change me or that I would want to change him. I feared that others would push me to stick with this one, making me feel obligated to fall in love as they were.

Here was the simple solution- I began to view this new guy as another person. I uncurled my fingers from the impossible pedestal I had always turned to. I mentally burned the list of expectations I seemed to always stash in my back pocket. And I didn’t let The Best of Me peanut gallery in my life flame my idealization.

Falling in love with the idea of someone is dangerous. He is a person, just like you. Love him as best as you can, knowing that the disappointments are okay, too.

And forget the pedestal.

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