The Wise Advice for Newlywed Couples

Planning a wedding might have its tribulations, but married life is when the real work kicks in.  It can be daunting, but it’s also massivel...

Planning a wedding might have its tribulations, but married life is when the real work kicks in. It can be daunting, but it’s also massively exciting, and totally worth it. While we’re always open to tips for a happy marriage, some sources of wedding advice are more reliable than others.

I love being married. I adore my husband. “Sweeter As The Days Go By,” could definitely be our theme song for the past ten years.

The Wise Advice for Newlywed Couples
As newlyweds, however, I found myself wondering when the bottom would fall out. I remembering saying to a friend one day, “The rug has to get pulled from under us at some point, doesn’t it? This is just too good to be true.”

Her response made me realize how silly it was for me to anticipate my marriage going downhill – in advance. I’m an optimistic person by nature so I wondered what would cause me -and almost every other newlywed I know- to do the same thing. It was then that I came to this conclusion:

Some people -even those with the best of intentions- give the absolute worst advice!
During the courtship phase, everyone asks questions like, “When is he going to propose?” “Has he proposed yet?”
These and other questions like them can cause a bit of angst and make you feel as though you’re not moving fast enough. Then you get engaged, and everyone gives an endless amount of advice on the wedding. Who knew so many people would have an opinion on your dress, wedding invitations, the bridal registry and table seating arrangements? The great thing, however, is during this engagement period, most seem to speak positively about love, marriage and the joy you’ll experience after you say ‘I do.'

There is a beautiful optimism in the air, and it feels oh so good. Then something odd happens.

The wedding day comes around, we pledge til’ death do us part, and head out into the real world hand-in-hand; excited about our new life together. Within days, the advice begins pouring in, and most of it is…dare I say…pretty doggone negative. Everyone starts warning you about all the things that can possibly go wrong in a marriage. The bubble of happiness surrounding you pops! Just that fast.

More than any other point, when newly married women write into me, they recount this exact same problem. They just want to hear someone say something good about marriage – anything…anyone.

Over the years, I’ve stopped giving advice. I prefer to be more of a learner than a teacher and have discovered what works for one person may not work for another. I absolutely love giving tips, suggestions, and encouraging wives to create their happily ever after. But advice? Not so much.

The one exception to my non-advice “rule” is this one piece of advice for newlyweds. I share it with every newly married person I meet. It’s the one thing I wish someone had told me in the beginning (and once someone finally did, it was like pouring rain on the Mohave Desert.)

Only listen to advice from those whose marriages you’d like yours to emulate.

That’s it. The beauty of that one piece of advice is it’s universal. It gives a couple permission to disregard all contrary advice and focus on all that is beautiful and positive about their new union.

I tell them, “Let the negative stuff go in one ear and out the other. But the positive thing, allow that to go in, marinate, meditate, and never let it go.”

I’m not suggesting you live in a bubble or expect that everything in marriage will always be perfect. But I am encouraging you to seek out a couple (or many couples) in your family or community who have mastered the art of love and bring out the best in each other.

By listening to the advice of those who have safely navigated the waters you are entering, you will quickly learn that happy marriages do still exist, a lasting one is possible, and it can be yours to have and to hold til’ death do you part.

Find a couple whose marriage is beautiful and has stood the test of time, and then bask in the sunlight of their love. Their advice, my friends, will lead you down the path to creating your own happily ever after.

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