5 Steps to Save Your Marriage: A Practical Plan To Forge a New Beginning6:36:00 PM
If your marriage is in crisis, the task of saving the relationship may seem daunting. In my experien...
If your marriage is in crisis, the task of saving the relationship may seem daunting. In my experience working with countless couples on the verge of breaking, I have identified five steps that will be of great help to turn things:
1) CommitmentAlthough it seems obvious, couples who are unable to save their marriage are usually those who are not committed to making it work. When you make the decision to commit, you've decided to do the hard work necessary to save your marriage. But when doubts and think about how it would have been if you had married someone else, or how you would like your life would have been different, usually do not have the ability to generate sufficient momentum to repair the relationship.
When you're deciding whether or not to commit, taking into account the effects that divorce can create in your children and your finances.
It takes into account that it takes two to tango and find someone better is not necessarily a cure-all, as one is likely to also have problems in any future relationship.
Finally, it recognizes how the particular challenges of your marriage are growth opportunities for you and your spouse, and there are ways that you can transform the conflict in connection; (Of course, this does not apply to abusive relationships).
2) Close your escape routesCouples in crisis are usually focused on anything but their marriage. It is a painful situation, who can blame them? Even if we are physically married, many of us are already "out" of our marriage.
An essential to bring back the energy step is to seal the escape routes. This means thinking about the various activities in which we put our focus and see if they have become substitutes search of excitement and completeness of marriage. Aside from the obvious (and often fatal) escape routes such as infidelity and substance abuse, here are a couple of escape routes that can be used:
- Social networks.
- Take care of children.
3) detoxifies your marriageRemoves all the name calling, stop pointing fingers, blaming and shaming. A toxic relationship can not thrive. Outbursts of anger away the love and trust of the couple. Instead, Take responsibility for your feelings and frustration focusing on why your partner's action affects you. Replace the "you" "you always do that" by the "I" of "how I feel when ...".
Finally, learn to ask for what you want. It is so easy to complain that we regularly forget what it is that we really needed. Instead of complaining because your partner ignores you, share with her how you want your love and attention.
The fact detoxify your marriage not only helps you get the venom of the relationship but your partner will be much more willing to meet your own needs.
4) Enter the world of otherOne of the most painful points discovers the couple in marriage is that "my husband / wife is not." In order to make room for the other, it is important to realize that your partner may see the world differently than you.
We do that by learning to communicate more safely. When we talk, we want to connect and make sure that our partner is listening. Acquires the habit of asking "Is now a good time?", Rather than simply launching a verbal attack. If the goal is to generate connection, make sure your partner is mentally and emotionally available.
The second step we take when we hear. Try to get into the other's world, understanding and listening without responding or intervene. Although your world can see things completely different, be curious and take an interest in what your partner is saying. You surprise your girl with you what you can discover.
Couples are usually so stuck in their own world, that the other's experience makes them meaning. In successful relationships, both partners are allowed to express their own feelings safely and can work together to bridge the gap between the two worlds.
5) Love InfusionsWorking in a relationship is challenging, especially when you're trying to rescue a relationship that is in crisis. That is why it is crucial to infuse your relationship with infusions of love that promote positive energy. These infusions of love help to clarify things and bring fun:
a. Findings: The best way to eliminate resentment and reinforce positive behavior is to express appreciation. When we share what we love about our partner, we focus on the good thing about the relationship and your partner feel that their efforts are valued. More than a simple thank you, sit down with your partner look at yourself in the eye, tell him you appreciate him / her and why it means so much to you. By spending a few minutes a day doing this exercise, you can break a lot of negativity.
b. Quotes night: Even if you take 40 years of marriage, as you must have appointments with your partner. Allocates time once a week where they can go out together and distribute of each other's company. Whether that means going out to eat or walk in a park, take this time to enjoy face-to-face connection. By establishing a weekly appointment you will demonstrate to your partner that marriage is a priority for you.
c. Affection: To love is a verb. We demonstrate love for our spouse when we behave with affection. Each individual is different, so it is important to find out what behaviors make your partner feel loved. Ask him to write a list of behaviors that he / she particularly appreciated, and tries to make one of them every day.
When we act with love not only we encourage our own love for the other, but also awaken love in the other. And with these concrete actions, we show that the relationship itself can actually be different.
If your marriage is falling apart, these five steps will provide a clear path out of the darkness and give a new start to your relationship. There are couples that with these five steps have been able to revive the love and again enjoy each other's company. Even if your situation seems irreversible, do not give up. A better future is closer than you think.