10 Warning Signs of a Bad Relationship4:07:00 AM
If you ignore these warning signs of bad relationships, you’re setting yourself up for future heartache. It’s hard to accept your relation...
If you ignore these warning signs of bad relationships, you’re
setting yourself up for future heartache. It’s hard to accept your
relationship isn’t healthy…but the sooner you face the truth, the more
quickly you can decide what to do.
In a good relationship or marriage, you feel sure of your partner without constantly having to ask for reassurance or approval. You feel accepted, loved, and secure in your love for him and his for you.
After I list the 10 signs of bad relationships below, I summarize new research that describes how to predict if a relationship will last. It’s an interesting study that tests instinctive word associations with regard to the health of a relationship (specifically, if you automatically think negative or bad words when you’re asked different questions about your partner, then your relationship is worse than you’re willing to admit to yourself).
Here’s one of my favorite signs of a good relationship, from Winnie the Pooh: by A.A. Milne.
Piglet walked up to Pooh.
“Pooh!” whispers Piglet.
“Nothing,” said Piglet, taking Pooh’s paw.
“I just wanted to be sure of you.”
Isn’t that wonderful? Sometimes you just want to be sure of your partner. This doesn’t mean you’re insecure – or that you’re in a bad relationship. It just means you need to reach out and be sure of your husband or boyfriend. However, if you can’t say, “I just wanted to be sure of you” to your partner, then you’re not being authentic. And that is a warning sign of unhealthy love.
10 Warning Signs of Bad RelationshipsI think the worst sign of all types of bad relationships is the first one: secrets. If you can’t talk to your boyfriend or husband – and if you can’t tell anyone what he says and does to you – then it’s a bad relationship. Another important sign of an unhealthy relationship is how you feel. If you feel unhappy, insecure, and unloved when you’re with him, then you may need to rethink your relationship patterns and communication.
Are you keeping secrets from your boyfriend or husband? Are you keeping secrets from your family and friends about your boyfriend, by protecting him from his own behavior or choices? Have you lost yourself in your relationship? Secrets and lies are warning signs that something isn’t right.
Speaking of secrets and relationships, there’s a great book called The Secret Laws of Attraction: The Effortless Way to Get the Relationship You Want. In it, Talane Miedaner shows us how to meet our own emotional needs. Once our emotional needs are met, we will attract good relationships – and we won’t need to search for the signs of a bad relationship. We’ll already know what we need and how to get it, and we won’t feel desperate enough to stay with an unhealthy partner.
1. You keep your man’s actions and words a secretIf you can’t tell your family or friends about the things your boyfriend or husband says and does, then you may not be in a healthy loving relationship. If you lie to protect him, then it’s time to get out of that bad relationship. You’re not just with the wrong guy…you’re being the wrong type of woman.
Examples of keeping secrets include: lying or deceiving your loved ones about how your husband treats your children, hiding things your boyfriend broke or ruined because he was angry, and not talking about the names he calls you or the things he asks or makes you do. The more secrets you keep, the more you’re hiding. The more you hide, the worse your relationship is.
2. He isn’t happy with you, and he wants you to changeIf your boyfriend or husband doesn’t love you as you are, then you can’t feel truly secure or comfortable with him. This is one of the biggest warning signs of bad relationships: a man who doesn’t love or accept you as you are. Your boyfriend or husband should love you unconditionally, whether you’re self-employed or unemployed, rich or poor, big or small, or tall or short. And, you should love and accept your boyfriend for who he i – self-employed or unemployed, rich or poor, big or small, or tall or short.
Are you happy with yourself? If you’re getting your sense of identity or self-esteem from your boyfriend or partner instead of a divine source of love, you’ll never feel truly happy with who you are. No matter how your boyfriend feels about you, you need to find ways to love and accept yourself.
If your boyfriend or husband isn’t a loving man.
3. Your boyfriend or husband is suspicious and jealousConstant phone calls, demands on your time, and jealous fits are NOT signs of love! If your husband or boyfriend doesn’t trust you or accuses you of lying, then you need to re-evaluate your relationship. If he opens your mail or shows up at work unexpectedly, he doesn’t trust you. This is a sign of deep insecurity, which could lead to more serious relationship problems.
Warning signs of abusive relationships include lack of trust, lack of respect, and an inability or unwillingness to allow freedom. Does your boyfriend or husband try to control you or your children? Talk to someone you trust in person. You can share your comments here, you can write about a more specific warning sign of a bad relationship, but please talk to someone in person. Bring it out, whatever you’re going through. Get it out of the dark, into the light.
4. Your partner puts you down, in private or in front of othersIf he calls you names, ridicules your thoughts or opinions, or makes you feel stupid or ugly, then he’s no good for you. Maybe he’s critical or negative, or he never has anything good to say about you, your home, your kids, or anything you do. You know it’s not right, yet you can’t leave. You know you deserve better, but you feel trapped and helpless. He’s set it up this way, and you’re allowing him to keep you down.
You do not have to stay in a bad relationship. Even if you only recognize one of these warning signs – and even if you have six children and a mortgage together – you do not have to stay with a man who is abusive.
5. You don’t feel like an equal partner in your relationshipDoes your husband or boyfriend make all the decisions – or do you? An unequal balance of power is a sign of a bad relationship, and a sign it’s time to get out. If you aren’t being treated equally, read When to Leave a Relationship.
Are you submissive and subservient to your husband, or afraid of telling your boyfriend what you really think and feel? Warning signs of bad relationships!! There’s a difference between healthy compromise and unhealthy servanthood. The healthiest relationships involve give and take, which means we take turns giving and taking. Your husband should not patronize you or treat you like a child, housekeeper, errand runner, or slave.
If you’re financially dependent on your husband, read How to Leave Your Husband When You Have No Money.
6. You and your partner don’t have the same long or short-term goalsIf you can’t agree on financial issues, family matters, or goals for your future, then you may want to think twice about your relationship. Nobody has the exact same plans for the future, but the happiest couples have the same focus for their lives and futures.
Not having the same goals isn’t necessarily a sign of a bad relationship, but it is an indication that you’re not headed in the same direction. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be together. It means you need to align yourselves toward the same goals, or accept that you’re going in two totally different directions.
7. Your boyfriend says he loves you, but doesn’t act like he loves youMaybe he says, “You’re the best, love you a lot, you know I miss you, you know how I feel about you” — but he only sees you once a week. Maybe he doesn’t text or call you, and he spends more time with his friends or at work than with you.
Believe his nonverbal behavior (his actions) over his verbal behavior (talk is cheap!). Do not believe what he says. Believe what he DOES. Unless, of course, he says he doesn’t love you or he can’t commit to a relationship. Then you should believe him.
8. You feel bad, guilty, unhappy, depressed, or sad about your relationshipThis sign is based on the above conversation between Piglet and Winnie the Pooh. If you don’t feel secure, comfortable, and loved in your relationship, then you may be with the wrong guy. Feeling insecure and unsure are two warning signs of bad relationships that should never be ignored.
How do you feel about yourself – separate from your boyfriend or husband? Who are you? What is your source of identity and self-image? Don’t rely on your man to make you feel good about yourself. He is an addition to your life. A boyfriend or husband is not your whole life, and he should not be the source of your self-esteem. If your self-image is dependent on a man’s love (or lack of love), then you’re setting yourself up for a broken and unhealthy sense of self.
Who are you in God? Stepping into and staying in His divine flow of love, peace, and power is the only way you can feel truly good about yourself.
9. Your family and friends aren’t supportive of your relationshipI don’t think we should choose our boyfriends or husbands based on our family and friends’ opinions, but I do think we should take their opinions into consideration! If your family or friends have strong reservations about your partner, I encourage you to ask for specific reasons. Find out the root of their feelings, and try to be objective.
10. You’re wondering about the warning signs of a bad relationshipThe most important warning sign of love gone bad is your instincts and gut feelings. Why are you worrying about your relationship? Would you want your sister, best friend, or daughter to be in this relationship? To find the strength and courage to either fix or leave a bad relationship, you may need to talk to a marriage counselor.
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