Marriage Is Not The 50/509:36:00 AM
I hate it when I hear married couples say things to each other like, "It's your turn,"...
I hate it when I hear married couples say things to each other like,
"It's your turn," or "I did it last time." Even before I was married,
hearing exchanges like this made me feel really uncomfortable. They
reminded me of how my sister and I would argue over chores, and I most
certainly didn't want to marry my sister. Hearing people say, "Marriage
is a 50/50 relationship" didn't sit well with me either. Then one day
the thought hit me:
Marriage isn't 50/50, it's 100/100.
The 50/50 mindset is self-seeking. It's when we say things like, "I did the dishes last time, so I don't to have do them this time." And whenever you are asked to do more than your share, you are tempted to be put out. 100/100, however, carries a whole different perspective. Instead of being focused on what you give with your half and what you get from hers, you are solely seeking to satisfy her needs. You'll still both take turns, but not because it's your right, but because you're submitting to each mother's love. And 100/100 keeps no record of who did what last. This is yet another way of answering the question, How have I shown my wife that I love her today?
There are many times when it is my turn to do the dishes, but because I have something else I need to do (like this very post, for example), my wife goes ahead and does them. We don't keep track, we just keep working at 100%.
When we are focused on each doing only our own half we are centered on where my job ends and hers begins. But marriage is about teamwork, and what team ever got anywhere with the players only giving fifty percent? If we want to succeed in marriage, both sides have to give it their all, all the time.
I agree there's no need to keep score if everyone's giving 100 percent - but that's not the case for most couples. It seems like women naturally have a sense of nurturing and caring and thoughtfulness to their loved ones. From what I've seen many men don't naturally have that. I find myself wondering what I can do to lighten my husband's load and I notice him only recipricating the thought on special occasions. It makes a person feel used and underappreciated. I do the same amount of housework since I started work too, then I did when I stayed at home - is that right?